As of now..
i wonder why i feel this way. and as much as i want to feel different about it. I cant. Ive tried everything. maybe its me, not having hope that my next move to make it better will even work. maybe it just me doubting, but does doubt have that much POWER. idk. I just want to feel like, what im doing is the right thing and i want to feel like im on the right road to where i want to be. I keep getting mixed up and stuck in the middle. thoughts run through my head like..Is this just one of those times i need to stick it out through to the end or.. are these feelings signs that i should devote my time to something greater. im fearful. “what ifs” literally turn my stomach, i hate them. so many possibilities. Right now, i believe that i need to trust in God. Surrender everything. Keep faith. Forgive. Give. Expect that anything could happen at any moment but most importantly trust that God is with me through it ALL! He has a plan and what im going through is so relevant for his plan. I just want to surround myself with Godly people and positive beings. Where im at now, i cant keep my head up. but maybe thats my challenge. keeping my head up through hard times. such a mystery. What a wonderful lesson and value he’s trying to instill in me. truly grateful.
Life is good, but yet.. I’m still not satisfied, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing! I’ll just keep striving for the feeling of being totally satisfied with life. Im doing pretty good so far. My relationship with God has never been so strong, i realize nothing is perfect, happiness is a choice, done sweat the small stuff and yolo jk lol Im so proud of myself. <3
When you’re at your lowest, look to god and with god you’re made full. No man on this earth can give you the fullness you desire. Only god can do that! He will definitely bring satisfaction onto you and your soul.
I miss my bestfriend!!! ^o^